America is a consumer drive culture. I hope that statement is not a shock to anyone. It is pretty self-evident in the amount of commercials we watch, the number of innovative technological announcements there are in a given year, and the sheer amount of “stuff” that clutters our closets.
If you take a look at those things in your closets and watch the commercials that persuade you to buy those things, they center around one thing:
Our culture is fascinated with self. Self-dependence. Self-awareness. Self-happiness. American culture has slowly shaped us to believing that our needs are the priority.
This mindset has even spread to relationships.
Today, relationships are discarded like Kleenex. When one is used up, we throw it out and pick up a new one until we’ve been through enough of them to satisfy our personal needs.
If the relationship is not serving us the way that we think it should, we are quick to jump ship. If our over-inflated, self-proclaimed expectations are not met, we drop the responsibility. There is no give-and-take. It is all just take.
What can she do for me? What can he do for me? What areas of my insecurity can he fulfill? What urges of mine can she satisfy?
These are the questions that really drive us down deep.
But relationships–whether a friendship or more–are not supposed to function this way. At the core should be a value of giving. At the core should be a mutual understanding that you are not into it just to see what you can get out of it–although that is a nice side product. It is about what you can do for the other person.
This is aimed at you single guys and girls:
Do not look for someone who can satisfy your needs. That is a consumer mentality; it will always leave you empty. Stop looking around for some superhero, significant-other to come in and save the day. It is not going to happen. There is only one human being that can fix you: You.
So, turn the tables and look at yourself instead. Try focusing on being the type of person you want that “someone” to be attracted. If there are things you do not like about yourself, try and change them. Do not look for someone to be the band-aids on your emotional scars. That only leads to dependency on someone else because of your failure to deal with your own insecurity.
I think Steven Furtick was right on his blog when he said, “Happiness is not finding the right person. It’s being the right person.”
So stop trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Right. He or She does not exist.
Instead, do your best to be the right person. Because, if you spend the time on yourself, someone will notice. And most of the time, the people that notice those differences are looking for those qualities in someone.
That someone might turn out to be you.
As Pastor Steven said, “Stop looking for the person of your dreams and start becoming someone another person is dreaming about. Make someone else’s dreams become a reality.” Because if you do, no longer are you a slave to a consumer-driven mindset, but you have taken the first steps to a healthy relationship that puts the other person first before your own needs.