I Love You

To My Future Wife:

Another Valentine’s Day has come and passed.  I don’t exactly know how these days have impacted you over the years, but more have been spent alone than not.

Although it is hard to completely call this day such a terrible day when it doubles as your birthday, there still is an empty longing that looks forward to the day I will spend with you.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my family and would give anything to spend time with them at any point (my birthday being one of the most important dates), but there is something special about Valentine’s Day that just pains me to know there is a part of me that is missing.

Call it sappy.  Call it over dramatic.  But my heart is sensitive to love.  Although we were all wired for love, I feel like my birthday gives me an automatic predisposition to the desire of and for love.  Call it a blessing.  Call it a curse.  It’s always been a double-sided coin.  One that has landed tails more often than heads in these past two decades.

I’ll be transparent.  My heart is in a million pieces.  It’s been chewed up, spit out, walked on, run over, beaten, and bruised.  I’m an emotional basket-case.  I am a complete mess.  When you first meet me, I’ll seem composed.  But know down deep there is a scared little boy.  One that is insecure, incompetent, and inept in so many ways, shapes, and forms.  So that one moment you steal, that you catch my eye and glimpse my heart, please, do not be afraid.  Because at first, I won’t open up.  I have built layers of walls around my heart for years.  Ones that I am just now starting realize are there.  So do not be apprehensive of the cold, stoic shell, but take the time to peal away the layers to a sensitive, caring heart that is dying for someone to love me for me.  I do not need to be your project.  I do not need to be put back together.  I just need you to be you and let me be me.  Because if you genuinely care and respect me, you will see parts of me that others have never seen.

Be forewarned, I love intensely and completely.  I am already jealous of you.  Of who you may be with or what you may be doing.  I want what is best for you and nothing less.  For you are worth more than any man deserves.  You were created for one who is more a man than I could ever be.  God.  And since He is King, that makes you His princess.  I am honored that He trusts and believes me worthy to have and to hold His daughter.

Therefore, you will always be loved and respected.  Chivalry is a lost art in today’s society.  But I will never let it be a lost art in our relationship.  For you are fully God’s and worthy of Him only.  But in His infinite mercy and grace, He allowed you and I to share life together for as long as we both live.

I carry a lot of baggage.  I carry a lot of scars.  I carry a lot of hurt.  I carry a lot of pain.  It will take time for me to drag up and deal with so many things.  I pray that you have the patience, understanding, and the love to walk beside me in these endeavors.  That during the times when I need encouragement, your soft words of wisdom will strengthen my heart.  That during the times of self-pity, you will speak words of direct truth to challenge my soul.

That throughout our life, we will lift each other up in prayer and edify each other through Christ Jesus.  We will walk with each other in Scripture and sharpen each other’s spiritual journey for God’s glory.

I know there will be times of fights, frustration, and feuds.  But I pray that we will always have honest conversations and try our hardest to understand and respect each other’s positions and hearts, regardless of the outcomes.

I hope that this note gives your heart encouragement and hope (as much as it has mine as I write it).  God is bigger than both of us, and in His timing we will connect.  But know this until then.  No matter what happens from now until then.  No matter what goes on, no matter what happens, no matter what falls apart.  One thing you must convince your heart to believe and remember is this:

I Love You.

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